Your loved ones will stand in good stead;
In everything, keep from bloodshed;
Your mettle presents
Cause for self-confidence...
IN BED! No, wait... EXCEPT IN BED!
Not certain about this one. The "IN BED!" kind of ruins the flow and means the punchline comes across as a repetition.
Then again you could say much the same thing about the original comic. So this is an accurate limerick. Also "except" is a pretty difficult word to fit into a limerick - something about the syllables is all wrong.
Yes, I think I need to be more sparing with these pauses in the middle of lines. Writing in ALL CAPS tends to make the scansion awkward as well, since one tends to stress every syllable instead of one in three.
Not certain about this one. The "IN BED!" kind of ruins the flow and means the punchline comes across as a repetition.
ReplyDeleteThen again you could say much the same thing about the original comic. So this is an accurate limerick. Also "except" is a pretty difficult word to fit into a limerick - something about the syllables is all wrong.
How about the last line being "In everything else but in bed!"? Less accurate representation of the strip but funnier, imo.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think I need to be more sparing with these pauses in the middle of lines. Writing in ALL CAPS tends to make the scansion awkward as well, since one tends to stress every syllable instead of one in three.
ReplyDeleteYs, the last line seems to be a little bit of awkward. Isn't it?
ReplyDelete