Comic 1072 - Seventies

If you get rung up by the past
You'd better pick up pretty fast.
Their phone dial will fail
To press one for voicemail.
(It's not just that they can't be arsed.)

Original comic here.

Comic 1025 - Tumblr

From Aussie to Yankee to Pom,
We're starting to move away from
"Great name for a band"
For phrases that stand
Out, and using "Dot Tumblr Dot Com".

Original comic here.

No joke in this limerick I'm afraid, though it does have another example of the irrelevant-first-line technique that I am starting to get keen on.

Comic 1009 - Sigh

Their music's unbearably shoddy
They're the modern-day Big Ears and Noddy
And when anyone sighs
Or rolls their tired eyes
They just bellow "Girl look at that body!"

They wear leopard-print tights and a blouse
They're avoided by listeners with nous
If you ask them to muffle
Their loud, daily shuffle
They just yell "Party rock in the house!"

Their hair, like their music, is shocking
They smell like a ten-year-old stocking
It's really pathetic
This faux-apologetic
New craze that they call party rocking.

Original comic here.

Classic comic 285 - Wikipedian Protester

A wiki-man felt a vocation
To clamp down on public oration.
When speakers lacked rigour
He heckled with vigour:
"Hey buddy, you need a citation!"

Original comic here.

Comic 857 - Archimedes

In the words of the great Archimedes
Even the weaklings and weedies
Can ask, if they're clever,
For fulcrum and lever
Or start killing hostages, speedies.

Original comic here.

Comic 856 - Trochee Fixation

There once was a girl from Milwaukee
Who lived for the Internet trochee.
So "Ninja!" or "Pirate!"
She'd burble 'til, irate,
They silenced that girl from Milwaukee.

Original comic here.

Fittingly enough, "irate" itself becomes a trochee for the duration of this limerick.

Comic 849 - Complex Conjugate

A physicist working at Keele
Used root minus one with great zeal
But whenever the is
Came to rationalise
He had to quit - shit just got real.

Original comic here.

That's the plural of "i", not the word "is". Even so, I fear it may still not make much sense.

Apologies for use of the S-swear here, but the comic's joke depends on it so it has to go in.

Classic comic 425 - Fortune Cookies

Your loved ones will stand in good stead;
In everything, keep from bloodshed;
Your mettle presents
Cause for self-confidence...
IN BED! No, wait... EXCEPT IN BED!

Original comic here.

Classic comic 89 - Gravitational Mass

A programmer from Alabama
On mass and inertia would yammer
But his ravings abstruse
Were all an excuse
For a tenuous joke 'bout yo' mama.

Original comic here.

Some credit for the above must go to the Penguin Rhyming Dictionary (1985), a delightful book and a boon to the limerick writer.

Comic 836 - Sickness

Diseases and sniffles and itches
Will not send me running to witches:
I stand in defiance
And laud the appliance
Of science - because it works, bitches.

Original comic here.

I apologise for the possibly offensive language, which is merely a reflection of the term used in the comic to which this forms a companion.