Friday, 29 April 2011

Comic 892 - Null Hypothesis

There once was a lab tech from Hull
Who couldn't get into his skull
That nowt interesting
Can come from one's testing
Without an hypothesis null.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Comic 891 - Movie Ages

That tale of a mermaid's mobility
Now moves me to mourn my virility
Since it's now more remote
From today, you will note
Than from Neil in the Sea of Tranquility.

Original comic here.

Readers' limericks I

Of course I like reading all your kind comments on this site, but the best ones are when readers post limericks of their own. So what better way to celebrate my hundredth post than to bring six of the best up above the comment line for the first time?

First, three limericks inspired by XKCDs that I haven't covered yet:

Comic 123 - Centrifugal Force, by Shadowphiar

Do you really expect me to try
to substitute terms on the fly
finding force as you claim
in a rotating frame?
"No, Bond, I expect you to die."

Comic 764 - One Two, by Emily

Sesame Street would be crazy,
Done by primitive folks who are hazy
On numbers. Count: "One!"
With "Two! Many!" he's done.
Zing! Anthropology students are lazy!

Comic 631 - Anatomy Text, by Ann Apolis

Why can't we just have a nice meal?
But no, over there - yes, it's real
Meg and Randy, both nude
Snapping film through their food
...I don't want to know where he stored that reel.

And now three excellent alternate limericks to my posts, all by regular friend of the site Ann Apolis:

Comic 724 - Hell

In Hades I watch every block
Fall down just like Sisyphus' rock.
Should this drive me beserk?
Well, it surely won't work -
...the floor's semicircular. Cock.

Comic 867 - Herpetology

There was a young birdist of Shimla
Said "Lizards and newts may look sim'lar
But they're actually not -
Herpetology's rot"
Said the herpists "You're worse than Herr Himmler!"

Comic 149 - Sandwich

A sandwich or sanger or sarnie
Is yours if you've got the right blarney
Just treat some a-hole
Like a Linux console
(bug: won't work for a lamb biriani)

Well done, everybody, and keep the limericks coming.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Comic 890 - Etymology

A long time ago (so they say)
In a galaxy far, far away
They somehow used words
(To bemusement of nerds)
That referred to the birds of today.

Original comic here.

Comic 889 - Turtles

What wonderful beasts are the tortoises
Who never seem shell-shocked or fraughtoises.
Fate's minor malignity
Will not dent their dignity
Nor panic make manic their thoughtoises.

Original comic here.

I prefer tortoises to turtles.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Off for Easter

I shall be spending the Easter weekend in Whitehaven, dancing quadrilles with an old friend of mine and his feathered fellow party-enthusiast. That means a delay on the next two limericks, but be assured, readers, that I will catch up when I get back.

Happy Easter to one and all!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Classic comic 724 - Hell

In Hell you're eternally grounded
For sins that in your life abounded
You sit playing Tetris
Except that - just get this -
The floor that your blocks land on's rounded.

Original comic here.

A companion limerick to number 888, in the previous post.

Comic 888 - Heaven

In Heavenly Tetris they say
That however badly you play
An ideally indented
New block is invented;
I'd still turn it round the wrong way.

Original comic here.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Classic comic 503 - Terminology

The West's in the west, you suggest?
Your conjecture is sketchy at best.
And the East in the east?
No, not in the least -
It's east of the West, in the west.

Original comic here.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Classic comic 78 - Garfield

I fear I am losing my ardour
For Garfield. Come on, Jim, try harder!
You cease to amaze
But there are still ways
To go out in a blaze, à la Dada.

Original comic here.

Not necessarily a reflection of my own opinions about Garfield, but certainly a tip of my runcible hat to Square Root of Minus Garfield, with thanks for their generous mention.

Comic 887 - Future Timeline

There was a young fellow named Dougall
Who looked up the future on Google.
He now quakes in fear
Convinced that next year
The angels will sound the Last Bugle.

Original comic here.

Friday, 15 April 2011

Classic comic 149 - Sandwich

To subdue any dude to your mood-oh
Less crude than to bruise him with judo
When you've planned your demand
Is to land this command:
All bow to the power of SUDO.

Original comic here.

Comic 886 - Craigslist Apartments

If you want an abode with a twist
Where spirits and phantoms persist
Reached only by hiking
Its landlord a Viking
Then you will be liking Craigslist!

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Comic 885 - Recycling

Some hard-working chaps earn their cash
By sorting out all of our trash
So when you recycle
Please don't take the Michael
And clean off your beans and your mash.

Original comic here.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Classic comic 131 - Fans

A young man from Medicine Hat
Moved into his very own flat.
He made his fan stick
Till it went "click-a-click"
And nobody told him "Stop that!"

Original comic here.

Monday, 11 April 2011

Comic 884 - Rogers St.

If you don't want your kids doing porn
You need to move house when they're born:
A Rogers Street flat
Plus Mister the Cat
Should render their chances folorn.

Original comic here.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Classic comic 451 - Impostor

There once was a student from Split
Who pretended to be a lit crit
He bluffed and he stumbled
But never got rumbled
Until he was old and arthrit.

Original comic here.

Comic 883 - Pain Rating

I went to the doc's feeling blue
In the hope that we'd talk some things through.
He looked into my psyche
And said "Me no likey" -
He had to have counselling too.

Original comic here.

This isn't meant to be a racist stereotype of a doctor with poor English. It's more that the shock of exposure to the patient's pitch-black emotional landscape has caused the doctor's consciousness to seek refuge in infantilisation. Sorry to spoil the joke for any Peter Sellers fans out there.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

Classic comic 1 - Barrel Part 1

There once was a young boy from Farrell
Who travelled the sea in a barrel.
He cried "See me float
My cylindrical boat"
That buoyant young boy from Farrell.

Original comic here.

A very old-fashioned limerick for the first ever edition of XKCD.

Classic comic 385 - How it Works

In fields that are often reserved
For just men, when a woman's observed
Not to bring home the bacon,
Mistakes are mistaken
For female flaws - undeserved.

Original comic here.

I am taking some licence here: strictly, three words ending '-served' might not be considered to rhyme. Don't men make terrible poets?

Classic comic 303 - Compiling

If you ever see programmers smiling
Or sitting-around-for-a-whiling
Or out of their gourds
And fighting with swords
Don't worry - their code is compiling.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Classic comic 548 - Kindle

Wherever you end up, worldwide
If you have this device at your side
Your knowledge won't dwindle
So is it a Kindle
Or is it - *scratch scratch scratch* - the Hitchhiker's Guide?

Original comic here.

Classic comic 231 - Cat Proximity

A young man from Mexico City
Was clever and urbane and witty
One thing broke the flow
Of bewitching bons mots:
His snuggly, wuggly kitty.

Original comic here.

Comic 882 - Significant

If you test everything willy nilly
No matter how far-fetched or silly
Results will, on occasion,
Show somethin' hair-raisin'
Till the follow-up test says "Not really!"

Original comic here.

My "Epistemology" label is really earning its keep lately.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Classic comic 171 - String Theory

One theory states that all things
Are made up of vibrating strings.
The real implications
Of these calculations
Are endless - and pigs all have wings.

Original comic here.

Then again, who knows what future discoveries lie in store?

Classic comic 373 - The Data So Far

I'd quite like to open my mind
About psychics, and things of that kind,
But so far all the data's
Supporting the haters
And leaving believing behind.

Original comic here.

Comic 881 - Probability

The doctor's done her calculation
And told me my life's expectation;
It's meaningless now
Cause the silly old cow
Left out the standard deviation.

Original comic here.

Another rather morbid comic to try and turn into nonsense verse. Worse still, I didn't know enough stats terms to make the last line scan properly.

Friday, 1 April 2011

Comic 880 - Headache

There once was a man from Tralee
Who couldn't quite cope with 3D.
He stayed in his flat
With his cable and sat
And would never upgrade his TV.

Original comic here.