Monday, 30 January 2012

Comic 1010 - Etymology-Man

When seawater turns homicidal
Post-earthquake, d'you call it a tidal
Wave, or a tsunami?
Either way, you'd be barmy
To sit splitting hairs, being idle.

Original comic here.

Friday, 27 January 2012

Comic 1009 - Sigh

Their music's unbearably shoddy
They're the modern-day Big Ears and Noddy
And when anyone sighs
Or rolls their tired eyes
They just bellow "Girl look at that body!"

They wear leopard-print tights and a blouse
They're avoided by listeners with nous
If you ask them to muffle
Their loud, daily shuffle
They just yell "Party rock in the house!"

Their hair, like their music, is shocking
They smell like a ten-year-old stocking
It's really pathetic
This faux-apologetic
New craze that they call party rocking.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Comic 1008 - Suckville

There once was an old man from Suckville
Whose doctor made him grow a duck bill.
He said, “I don’t believe
What these quacks can achieve,
And I’m damned if I know who the fuck will.”

Original comic here.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Comic 1007 - Sustainable

There was a man from Knotty Ash
Who knew what to do with his trash.
He put every piece in
Its own special bin
That sustainable man from Knott' Ash.

Original comic here.

A very old-school limerick for a Monday morning. This one really needs an illustration of the fellow in question, his kitchen floor awash with bins marked "apple cores" and "foil" and "pork bones" and "lint". Perhaps I will draw one; but it will not be very soon, I'm afraid.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Comic 1006 - Sloppier Than Fiction

There was a man from Mozambique
Who lived like a Hollywood flick:
His speech very poor,
His motives obscure,
An insufferable bore – just the trick.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Non-comic 1005 - A SOPA protest

If it's censorship that you're protesting
Then don't use satirical jesting.
Steve Bell shocks and appals
With his cocks and his balls
But no comic at all's much the best thing.

I don't know much about SOPA, but if it's true that it will obliterate the entire internet, I am most certainly against it. Sadly I don't have the vote in the USA, so my view counts for very little.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Comic 1004 - Batman

If you were a young plutocrat
With a shedload of crime to combat
There's a chance (be it scanty)
You'd turn vigilante
But why do it dressed as a bat?

Original comic here.

First Charlie Brooker comes out against Batman, and now XKCD. Could Mr Wayne be losing his cachet? Who will betray him next? Albert Alfred? Simon Pegg?

Friday, 13 January 2012

Comic 1003 - Adam and Eve

There once was a shepherd named Abel
Who brought spicy lamb to God's table
But Cain's fruit and grain
Were offered in vain
Which rendered him somewhat unstable.

Scythe in hand, poor Cain's madness grew deeper
Till he acted as Abel's grim reaper!
The God of this fable
Said "Hey Cain, where's Abel?"
Cain said, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

But God knew where Abel lay bleedin'
And Cain saw His favours recedin'.
So he fled from his God
To the oddly-named Nod
Which you'll find somewhere eastwards of Eden.

Original comic here, not that it has much to do with the limericks this time round.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Comic 1002 - Game AIs

If you play your computer at chess
It won't be much fun, I would guess.
They've all got too good
(And truth or dare would,
If anything, be even less.)

Original comic here.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Classic comic 79 - Iambic Pentameter

There was an erudite young man from Stoke
Who used this meter ev'ry time he spoke,
Which might recall the Bard;
But it is hard
To use it to make any sort of joke.

Original comic here.

Nice to try a different meter once in a while. I noticed this comic because Explain XKCD (which I should probably read more) has started posting explanations of classic XKCD editions as well as new ones. Though I'm sorry to say that their expanation of this comic is somewhat lacking; not to put too fine a point on it, it is completely incorrect.

Monday, 9 January 2012

Comic 1001 - AAAAAA

There once was a man from Brindisi
Whose bed spun around - pretty whizzy!
Unable to sleep
He tried counting sheep
But the lambs couldn't leap straight (too dizzy).

Original comic here.

Friday, 6 January 2012

Comic 1000 - 1000 Comics

The one thousand comic mark is
Regrettably lacking in fizz.
Is just fiddle-dee-dee—
It's two-to-the-ten that's the biz.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Classic comic 325 - A-Minus-Minus

There once was a trader named Linus
Renowned for his eBay-based slyness.
Instead of a top hat
He'd post you a bobcat
But his feedback still showed as A minus.

Original comic here.

One from the archives, while we're on the cat-attack theme.

Comic 999 - Cougars

There was a man from Chattanooga
Whose son was attacked by a cougar
But thanks to TV
He pinned it for 3
Much like former wrestler Lex Luger.

Original comic here.

The second big cat attack in the space of three posts. How peculiar.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Comic 998 - 2012

The lot of the Mayans is rotten—
In a way, their world-end date is spot on.
Since while we’ll all hear
Plenty of them this year
They’ll then be completely forgotten.

Original comic here.

Comic 997 - Wait Wait

There was a broadcaster named Peter
Whose wife was attacked by a cheetah.
He looked on, aghast
As the big cat sped past
And wailed out "Wait Wait ... don't eat her!"

Original comic here.

Not having heard of him or his programme before, I do not know whether Peter Sagal actually has a wife. If so, this limerick ought not to be construed as a wish for Mrs Sagal to be the victim of an attack by an escaped zoo animal in real life. I wish only the best to the Sagal family (if there is one) in 2012.

Comic 996 - Making Things Difficult

Take my top off? Do you mind?
Good doctor, I'm hardly that kind.
A real lady needs
To receive some cheap beads
Before showing her breasts or behind.

Original comic here.

Still catching up after Christmas. Two more to go. If only I had my own team of elves.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Comic 995 - Coinstar

A man in a financial pickle
Used choc coins to vend a Popsicle.
He got it to work
With a nudge and a jerk
But the ice lolly tasted of nickel.

Original comic here.

Comic 994 - Advent Calendar

If you are a Christmas Day keeno
Don't buy Advent goodies from Zeno.
As each half-time passes
Time flows like molasses
With infinite points in between-o.

Original comic here.

So begins Limerixkcd's annual post-Christmas catch-up. More soon.