Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Comic 1023 - Late-Night PBS

Whether medium, skinny or flabby,
Don't doze off during Downton Abbey.
Late-night PBS
Causes nothing but stress
And you'll wake well-informed, scared and crabby.

Original comic here.

Monday, 27 February 2012

Comic 1022 - So It Has Come To This

When your brain’s inspiration has slumped
And some new info leaves you quite stumped
Just frown, and then hiss
And the tension is instantly pumped.

Original comic here.

Friday, 24 February 2012

Comic 1021 - Business Plan

There was a man from Samarkand
Who went to the beach to sell sand.
He sold gulls and salt water
Till told that he oughta
Read up on supply and demand.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Comic 1020 - Orion Nebula

My suspicion has grown very strong
That astronomers all have it wrong.
It's a "sword" to the prudes
But the real cool dudes
Know Orion has flopped out his dong.

Original comic here.

I must say, I have heard this suggested before. It seems very likely that the Ancient Greeks made the same joke.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Comic 1019 - First Post

If you want to shape people's opinions
In political online dominions
Ignore adland's boasts—
Just make sure the first posts
On each piece are put there by your minions.

Original comic here.

This limerick has an example of what I call a "perfect triple": I only know three words ending in -inions, and I've managed to get them all in the poem, rhyming with each other.

Admittedly there is "pinions" as well, but I don't really know what that means.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Comic 1018 - Good Cop, Dadaist Cop

The standard's one calm cop, one harder;
I'd rather switch harder for dada.
The punk fugs, befuddled
As fuzz-buzz turns muddled
And answers, alarmed, sans palaver.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Comic 1017 - Backward in Time

There once was a man from Phuket
Who downloaded a film off the net.
Straight away, the bar went
Up to ninety per cent
But it hasn't reached one hundred yet.

Original comic here, not that it's really got much to do with the limerick on this occasion.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Comic 1016 - Valentine Dilemma

When choosing your Valentine's trinket
If she can eat, wear, smell or drink it
You're sure to enjoy
Heavy petting ahoy,
But you're shafted if you overthink it.

Original comic here.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Classic comic 590 - Papyrus

That maddening typeface, Papyrus!
There's nothing more certain to tire us.
It's used with a smile
But you look infantile,
Like some fan of Bieber or Cyrus.

Original comic here.

A classic comic for a Friday morning, while we're on the subject of typography.

Comic 1015 - Kerning

If there's one thing that isn't worth learning
It's how to spot terrible kerning.
Wherever you travel
You'll see it, unravel,
And claw the air, frothing and gurning.

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Comic 1014 - Car Problems

There once was a man from Missouri
Whose car went up, hotter than curry.
Burnt out, boot to bonnet
And to put the cap on it
The pic he took came out all blurry.

Original comic here.

I'm going to admit to using half-rhyme in this one, although if you are lucky enough your accent may manouevre them all into the same rhyme-space.

Of course, the man from Missouri himself would say "burnt out, trunk to hood". And he might not eat very much curry. And in all probability, he could have access to superior photographic equipment, which he might very well use rather adeptly. So really, this whole limerick is complete fantasy.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Comic 1013 - Wake Up Sheeple

The government's short-changing people
But don't shout it from every steeple.
You'll think what you had
Wasn't really half baaaaad
When we all live in thrall to The Sheeple.

Original comic here.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Comic 1012 - Wrong Superhero

There was a wordsmith from Brabant
Who said to a twenty-foot ant:
“Give me a spare N,
And I’d see to you then,
But I have’t got oe, so I ca’t.”

Original comic here.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Comic 1011 - Baby Names

There was a girl from Southend-on-Sea
Whose proud father christened her “Ponzi”.
But the name he enjoyed
Only got her annoyed—
She wished she were a boy, like Beyoncé.

Original comic here.

You have to put the stress in "Southend-on-Sea" on the syllable "on". Can you do that for me?

Plus: I seem to be flooding the site with limericks at the moment, but no matter. Here is some more, celebrity-based, BONUS CONTENT:

There was a chanteuse named Beyoncé
Who became a top rapper's fiancee.
So streetwise Shawn Carter
Is now the proud father
Of baby Blue Ivy. Bit poncey?