Comic 1036 - Reviews

There was a man from Syracuse
Who took ever so long to buy shoes.
When asked why this was
He said, “It’s because
I believe all the online reviews.”

Original comic here.

Comic 1035 - Cadbury Eggs

Mmm, delicious soda... Oh, bugger!
That’s three Cadbury eggs’ worth of sugar!
If I keep on drinking
This stuff without thinking,
I’ll be the size of a beluga.

Original comic here.

Of course, anyone who would say "oh, bugger" probably wouldn't be calling it soda. And would be much more likely to say "creme egg" than "Cadbury egg". Sometimes these poems just make no sense at all.

As linguistic anthropologists scour the globe for an accent that would make this poem rhyme properly.

Comic 1034 - Share Buttons

When a web page could not make you wearier
Scroll down till you reach its posterior.
The share buttons, at least,
Give you something to feast
Your eyes on, and make you feel superior.

Original comic here.

Comic 1033 - Formal Logic

The funniest car sticker ever
Was really incredibly clever:
"Formal logic, whoopee!
Honk IFF you agree"
Did anyone honk at it? Never.

Original comic here.

Comic 1032 - Networking

If you're looking to ramp up your whizzness
– Your I’ll-tell-you-all-how-it-is-ness –
It’s not all that hard.
Put your name on a card
And hey presto, you now work in business.

Original comic here.

Comic 1031 - s/Keyboard/Leopard

From LA to the Eastern Seaboard
We all wish we had a pet keyboard.
You'll be in no jeopardy
As you tap at your leopard-y,
So long as you've had the beast de-clawed.

Original comic here.

Comic 1030 - Keyed

It's over? I'll deface your car
In a fashion that's frankly bizarre.
Whichever type be it,
Ferrari or Fiat,
I'll key it, you'll see from afar.

Original comic here.

Comic 1029 - Drawing Stars

To draw out this satanic symbol
Your fingers will need to be nimble.
Points too wide? Then, well,
It will all go to hell;
Too sharp, and you might need a thimble.

Original comic here.

I personally find the five-pointed star much easier to draw than the six-pointed Star of David-type star. The six-pointed version always seems to end up all middle and no points.

Comic 1028 - Communication

There once was an old man from Seoul
Who made safety his number one goal.
Going out day or night
His eyes glanced left and right
But one day, he fell in a hole.

Original comic here.

How inapt that the comic is entitled "Communication", but I don't really understand what is happening. Not to worry, as I never fail to enjoy people falling down holes.

Comic 1027 - Pickup Artist

This kid's trick to pick a fit chick up
Hit into something of a hiccup.
The girl he was negging
Negged back, over-egging
It so much she shrivelled his dick up.

Original comic here.

Based on the one magazine article I read about these "pickup artists" a few years ago, I shan't be adding the "romance" tag to this post.

Comic 1026 - Compare and Contrast

My love's like a day in the summer
She's short and she makes you feel glummer
She's wet and she's cold
And unkind to the old—
No wait, that's the wrong season. Bummer.

Original comic here.

Comic 1025 - Tumblr

From Aussie to Yankee to Pom,
We're starting to move away from
"Great name for a band"
For phrases that stand
Out, and using "Dot Tumblr Dot Com".

Original comic here.

No joke in this limerick I'm afraid, though it does have another example of the irrelevant-first-line technique that I am starting to get keen on.

Comic 1024 - Error Code

When computers won't dance to your tune
Don't waste the entire afternoon.
Instead, why not take
Time to sit by a lake,
Or preferably a lagoon?

Original comic here.

What a lovely, non-computery-minded way to celebrate the very computery-minded 1024 milestone. Let's skim stones.