Ho-ho-hiatus

Hello, readers.

As Christmas draws near and the goose starts to become nervous as well as fat, I fear I must leave my post for a week or two in order to participate fully in the festivities. I remove my limerick hat in order to done a paper hat from a cracker. I cease to read XKCD and must substitute rib-tickling Christmas cracker jokes.

It is not impossible that I may update irregularly during this period, though I fear that where I am going, reception for my bilberry wireless netting device is likely to be scant. But rest assured as you make merry, or huddle Grinch-like in a high-backed chair, that normal service will be resumed in the early days of 2012.

Until then, merry Christmas, one and all, and do be sure to eat a piece of pudding for me.

Comic 993 - Brand Identity

The grocery shelves are a riot
That makes your eyes crave peace and quiet
So if there was some snackaging
In plain, simple packaging
You’d be fairly likely to buy it.

Original comic here.

Actually, KwikSave in the UK used to do almost exactly this with its 'No frills' line. It may still do, but there isn't one near me these days.

Comic 992 - Mnemonics

Sums order leave you in the dark?
Want a pescatorial lark?
Then you're certain to praise
The following phrase:
Please Email My Dad A Shark

Original comic here.

Comic 991 - Phantom Menace

There once was a film fan named Dennis
Who queued to see The Phantom Menace.
But, forgetting his specs,
He mistook the ’plex
For some disused warehouses. Poor Dennis!

Original comic here.

Poor Dennis indeed. Some might say the only thing worse would have been actually seeing the film.

Classic Comic 470 - The End is Not for a While

When protesters blather and babble
I join their unruly rabble
With signs that just say
Things are pretty OK
And would anyone like to play Scrabble?

Original comic here.

Lots of protesting going on at the moment, so it's nice to revisit this one.

Comic 990 - Plastic Bags

They give you a bag for each item
Then double-bag, so bugs can't bite 'em
Then you buy a big bag
Which they bung in a bag
And on and on, ad infinitum.

Original comic here.

Needless to say, I have half-inched the rhymes from that other poem about the fleas.

Comic 989 - Cryogenics

To avoid us all being on our pension
When the future brings some great invention
It’s into the freeze...
... We wake up. Hard cheese–
The inventors were all in suspension!

Original comic here.

Comic 988 - Tradition

The American radio trade
Has not heard of Wizzard or Slade.
Their fave festive ditties
All come from the fi'ties
So Shaky just never gets played.

Original comic here.

Comic 987 - Potential

The kid at the chemistry bench
Who you spur on to reach his potensh’
Might make you think twice
When he takes your advice
And comes back a badass Übermensch.

Original comic here.

Comic 986 - Drinking Fountains

Outside of the WC
Is no place for a cooler to be.
If you once take a drink
Without stopping to think
You'll be stuck for all eternity.

Original comic here.

Comic 985 - Percentage Points

When a senator loses support
The press tell us less than they ought.
Just what, pray, is meant
By "down twenty per cent"?
Down a fifth? Or from twenty to nought?

Original comic here.