Comic 1075 - Warning

Whether SUV, compact or coupe,
You're in, with the rest of your group,
A tin box proceeding
At speeds far exceeding
What nature intended. Poop! Poop!

Original comic here.

Comic 1074 - Moon Landing

If those landings were all just a mock-up
Filmed grainily in Aldrin's lockup
Then why've NASA peeps
Not made more “giant leaps”
In the last fifty years? What a cock-up.

Original comic here.

Not the first XKCD comic to call to mind Sleeping Satellite. Ah, Tasmin Archer.

Comic 1073 - Weekend

There once was a man from Muscaturday
Who wished every day could be Saturday.
Then his boiler broke – bummer!
He needed a plumber
And they all charged him double. Oh, draturday.

Original comic here.

Comic 1072 - Seventies

If you get rung up by the past
You'd better pick up pretty fast.
Their phone dial will fail
To press one for voicemail.
(It's not just that they can't be arsed.)

Original comic here.

Classic comic 250 - Snopes

From half-hearted email-scare clunkers
To tales of beasts eating spelunkers,
The way everyone copes
Is to check it on Snopes—
But who will debunk the debunkers?

Original comic here.

Comic 1071 - Exoplanets

Eight planets? That notion is comical!
For (however uneconomical)
They've discovered a ton
That don't orbit our sun
And their number is, well, astronomical.

Original comic here.

Comic 1070 - Words for Small Sets

A few means between two and five;
Several's between two and five;
A handful can be
Two, five, four or, er, three
But a couple's two. (Or up to five.)

Original comic here.

Comic 1069 - Alphabet

A sleazy pick-up guy from Welwyn
Said “This game’s no longer compellin’!
Put U next to I?
That’s pretty small fry
When I could reform ALL OF SPELLIN’!”

Original comic here.

Comic 1068 - Swiftkey

This new Swiftkey app's pretty neat –
It picks phrases you often repeat.
It picks phrases you often
It picks phrases you often
It picks phrases you often repeat.

Original comic here.

Comic 1067 - Pressures

A patent clerk working in Bern
Left the whole world of science astern.
The result: a succession
Of clerks with depression
Cause they can’t do a similar turn.

Original comic here.

Comic 1066 - Laundry

Whether frat-boy, footballer or swot,
Your laundry will soon go to pot.
One day you stop folding,
The next, clothes a-moulding
All over the floor in the grot.

Original comic here.

Comic 1065 - Shoes

I passed through the mystical portal
And found shoes that would make me IMMORTAL.
But...I can't wear those!
They've got separate toes!
Normal people will see me and chortle.

Original comic here.

Comic 1064 - Front Door

As I walk to my door, looking cool (ish)
My thoughts tend to turn to the ghoulish.
I quicken my pace
Though there's never a trace
Of real danger. I look rather foolish.

Original comic here.

I don't know whether you noticed, or whether it worked, but what I tried to do here was quicken the rhythm of the limerick through the third and fourth lines, before the abrupt halt in the fifth. To match the quickening pace in the graph, you see.

Comic 1063 - Kill Hitler

Kill Hitler? Ach ja, that sounds great,
But you need to attend to the date.
If you shoot Herr H deady
When the world has already
Had the war, then you're just a bit late.

Original comic here.

Comic 1062 - Budget News

I was at a political talk
Where the lecturer spoke in a squawk
And he seemed (here’s the thing)
To be left- AND right-wing—
He must be a deficit hawk.

Original comic here.

Comic 1061 - EST

It's true, how time works is confusing
But any new way of your choosing
Would likely be much
Worse, or at least a touch;
And not really all that amusing.

Original comic here.

Comic 1060 - Crowdsourcing

My business plan's fiendishly clever
I get every Jan, Mo and Trevor
For free, to contribute
Then others distribute
So when do I come in? Er, never.

Original comic here.

Comic 1059 - Bel Air

There was a fresh prince of Bel Air
Whose schemes drove his uncle Phil spare.
He also made tunes
And BOOM! shook the rooms
And he had really cool 90s hair.

Original comic here.