Whether SUV, compact or coupe,
You're in, with the rest of your group,
A tin box proceeding
At speeds far exceeding
What nature intended. Poop! Poop!
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Comic 1075 - Warning
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Comic 1074 - Moon Landing
If those landings were all just a mock-up
Filmed grainily in Aldrin's lockup
Then why've NASA peeps
Not made more “giant leaps”
In the last fifty years? What a cock-up.
Not the first XKCD comic to call to mind Sleeping Satellite. Ah, Tasmin Archer.
Monday, 25 June 2012
Comic 1073 - Weekend
There once was a man from Muscaturday
Who wished every day could be Saturday.
Then his boiler broke bummer!
He needed a plumber
And they all charged him double. Oh, draturday.
Friday, 22 June 2012
Comic 1072 - Seventies
If you get rung up by the past
You'd better pick up pretty fast.
Their phone dial will fail
To press one for voicemail.
(It's not just that they can't be arsed.)
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Classic comic 250 - Snopes
From half-hearted email-scare clunkers
To tales of beasts eating spelunkers,
The way everyone copes
Is to check it on Snopes
But who will debunk the debunkers?
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Comic 1071 - Exoplanets
Eight planets? That notion is comical!
For (however uneconomical)
They've discovered a ton
That don't orbit our sun
And their number is, well, astronomical.
Monday, 18 June 2012
Comic 1070 - Words for Small Sets
A few means between two and five;
Several's between two and five;
A handful can be
Two, five, four or, er, three
But a couple's two. (Or up to five.)
Friday, 15 June 2012
Comic 1069 - Alphabet
A sleazy pick-up guy from Welwyn
Said “This game’s no longer compellin’!
Put U next to I?
That’s pretty small fry
When I could reform ALL OF SPELLIN’!”
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Comic 1068 - Swiftkey
This new Swiftkey app's pretty neat
It picks phrases you often repeat.
It picks phrases you often
It picks phrases you often
It picks phrases you often repeat.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Comic 1067 - Pressures
A patent clerk working in Bern
Left the whole world of science astern.
The result: a succession
Of clerks with depression
Cause they can’t do a similar turn.
Friday, 8 June 2012
Comic 1066 - Laundry
Whether frat-boy, footballer or swot,
Your laundry will soon go to pot.
One day you stop folding,
The next, clothes a-moulding
All over the floor in the grot.
Comic 1065 - Shoes
I passed through the mystical portal
And found shoes that would make me IMMORTAL.
But...I can't wear those!
They've got separate toes!
Normal people will see me and chortle.
Comic 1064 - Front Door
As I walk to my door, looking cool (ish)
My thoughts tend to turn to the ghoulish.
I quicken my pace
Though there's never a trace
Of real danger. I look rather foolish.
I don't know whether you noticed, or whether it worked, but what I tried to do here was quicken the rhythm of the limerick through the third and fourth lines, before the abrupt halt in the fifth. To match the quickening pace in the graph, you see.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Comic 1063 - Kill Hitler
Kill Hitler? Ach ja, that sounds great,
But you need to attend to the date.
If you shoot Herr H deady
When the world has already
Had the war, then you're just a bit late.
Comic 1062 - Budget News
I was at a political talk
Where the lecturer spoke in a squawk
And he seemed (here’s the thing)
To be left- AND right-wing
He must be a deficit hawk.
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Comic 1061 - EST
It's true, how time works is confusing
But any new way of your choosing
Would likely be much
Worse, or at least a touch;
And not really all that amusing.
Monday, 4 June 2012
Comic 1060 - Crowdsourcing
My business plan's fiendishly clever
I get every Jan, Mo and Trevor
For free, to contribute
Then others distribute
So when do I come in? Er, never.
Friday, 1 June 2012
Comic 1059 - Bel Air
There was a fresh prince of Bel Air
Whose schemes drove his uncle Phil spare.
He also made tunes
And BOOM! shook the rooms
And he had really cool 90s hair.