Comic 1103 - Nine

Whether fitness fanatic or glutton,
Neglect not your number 9 button.
Take one second away
On your micro-display
And --ping!-- poor 9 won't be forgotten.

Original comic here.

Comic 1059 - Bel Air

There was a fresh prince of Bel Air
Whose schemes drove his uncle Phil spare.
He also made tunes
And BOOM! shook the rooms
And he had really cool 90s hair.

Original comic here.

Comic 1055 - Kickstarter

Kickstarter's no longer a cash cow –
It's all got to be much more flash now.
So it'd be great
If you'd all please donate
To help set up a pitch with panache. Ciao!

Original comic here.

Comic 1037 - Umwelt

The snake is uncommonly thin
But she has quite the stretchiest skin.
She can gulp down a tiger
Who, crouching inside 'er,
Has no idea how he got in.

Original comic here.

Apparently different people see different comics for this one, but I got one about a snake so hurrah for another animal limerick.

Comic 1035 - Cadbury Eggs

Mmm, delicious soda... Oh, bugger!
That’s three Cadbury eggs’ worth of sugar!
If I keep on drinking
This stuff without thinking,
I’ll be the size of a beluga.

Original comic here.

Of course, anyone who would say "oh, bugger" probably wouldn't be calling it soda. And would be much more likely to say "creme egg" than "Cadbury egg". Sometimes these poems just make no sense at all.

As linguistic anthropologists scour the globe for an accent that would make this poem rhyme properly.

Comic 1031 - s/Keyboard/Leopard

From LA to the Eastern Seaboard
We all wish we had a pet keyboard.
You'll be in no jeopardy
As you tap at your leopard-y,
So long as you've had the beast de-clawed.

Original comic here.

Comic 1014 - Car Problems

There once was a man from Missouri
Whose car went up, hotter than curry.
Burnt out, boot to bonnet
And to put the cap on it
The pic he took came out all blurry.

Original comic here.

I'm going to admit to using half-rhyme in this one, although if you are lucky enough your accent may manouevre them all into the same rhyme-space.

Of course, the man from Missouri himself would say "burnt out, trunk to hood". And he might not eat very much curry. And in all probability, he could have access to superior photographic equipment, which he might very well use rather adeptly. So really, this whole limerick is complete fantasy.

Comic 1006 - Sloppier Than Fiction

There was a man from Mozambique
Who lived like a Hollywood flick:
His speech very poor,
His motives obscure,
An insufferable bore – just the trick.

Original comic here.

Non-comic 1005 - A SOPA protest

If it's censorship that you're protesting
Then don't use satirical jesting.
Steve Bell shocks and appals
With his cocks and his balls
But no comic at all's much the best thing.

I don't know much about SOPA, but if it's true that it will obliterate the entire internet, I am most certainly against it. Sadly I don't have the vote in the USA, so my view counts for very little.

Classic comic 325 - A-Minus-Minus

There once was a trader named Linus
Renowned for his eBay-based slyness.
Instead of a top hat
He'd post you a bobcat
But his feedback still showed as A minus.

Original comic here.

One from the archives, while we're on the cat-attack theme.

Comic 974 - The General Problem

There once was a techie from Holt
Whose friend asked him, "Pass me the salt?"
He sat there, inert
Till well after dessert
That far-sighted fellow from Holt.

Original comic here.

Classic comic 455 - Hats

You might think no headwear is edgier
Than the black-hatted hacker man's headgear.
But buy two from the hatter
Or three, for that matter,
And even Black Hat Man will dread yer.

Original comic here.

Comic 965 - Elements

There once was a man named Dmitri
Who said "No airbender can beat me!
I use with some elegance
All hundred-odd elements—
This table sets them out quite neatly."

Original comic here.

Here's some more Tinie Tempah-style half-rhyme. It's the future of the poet's favourite pastime. So don't race me or I'll leave you on the start line. You'll be silenced like a Paris boulevard mime.

Comic 944 - Hurricane Names

Hurricanes (storms, but much wetter)
Are given names, one for each letter.
The year we all dread
Is when they go past zed
And on into alpha and beta.

Original comic here.

Comic 930 - Days of the Week

On Sunday we all go to church.
On Tuesday we meet about merch.
Each Wed is for ladies
And Sat making babies
But Friday you're left in the lurch.

Original comic here.

I wonder whether all those hits about Friday break-ups are fans of the popular 90s indie group Shed Seven.

Comic 928 - Mimic Octopus

When exploring the seas around Java
You won't see him unless he'd rather.
But whoever you meet-o
Could be, incognito
Mimic Oc, or his mother or father.

Original comic here.

Comic 910 - Permanence

There was a man from Bratislava
Who found picking names a palaver
He christened his daughter
More quick than he oughtta
But agonised over his server.

Original comic here.

Once again, there will be some remote corner of the British Isles where this limerick works very well; the rest must make do with half-rhyme.

Comic 906 - Advertising Discovery

Conditioning from Wikipedia
Is dangerous in other media:
A square-bracketed digit
Does not mean it's legit
So don't let the scoundrels mislead ya.

Original comic here.

Classic comic 159 - Boombox

A lovestruck young lad from the boondocks
Serenaded his sweet with a boombox
But it didn't suffice
And his Vanilla Ice
Got him pelted with staplers and moon rocks.

Original comic here.

This young lady was into astronomy, you see, so when she reached for a heavy object to throw at the doe-eyed rap fan, her collection of lunar curiosities came easily to hand.

Swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, unless someone throws a bit of it at you.

Comic 896 - Marie Curie

When buffers bang on about Curie
It brings me to boiling fury.
Our history's swimmin'
With brilliant women
So don't act like she's the whole story.

Original comic here.

Readers from the north-east of England may be able to ignore the "half-rhyme" tag for this limerick.