Comic 1134 - Logic Boat

There once was a man in a boat
Who said: “It’s just me and my goat.
How pleasant to swoon
On a hot afternoon
Afloat, with a goat, in my boat.”

Original comic here.

Comic 1128 - 50 Shades

Whether living in mansion or hovel
You're probably reading this novel
About a hot chick
Who clicks with a dick
Cause she digs the way he makes her grovel.

Original comic here.

Synecdoche!

Comic 1124 - Law of Drama

A bod with a light social touch
Will not think of drama that much
While people who hate it
And constantly state it
Create more than Starsky and Hutch.

Original comic here.

Bod? What's another one-syllable unisex word for a person?

Comic 1123 - The Universal Label

Long ago, in the dark void ethereal
A material quite magisterial
Squeak-popped into view—
It all comes from H₂,
From CDs to sea hawks to cereal.

Original comic here.

Comic 1116 - Traffic Lights

I drive to the city some nights
And park up to look at the lights.
Red, amber and green:
What on earth might they mean?
But the sight of them always delights.

Original comic here.

Comic 1107 - Sports Cheat Sheet

At any time of the sports year
I can wear the right shirt, and drink beer
But it's all just a token
The spell will be broken
The second I'm spoken to, dear.

Original comic here.

This one's written very much in character - I love sport, dear. And I know loads about it, honey pie.

Comic 1105 - License Plate

Any caper you care to devise
With a car reg of just 1s and Is
Is a futile endeavour
For though it seems clever
It's really not ever so wise.

Original comic here.

Comic 1088 - Five Years

“Where d’you see yourself in five years, scout?”
As if you were in any doubt
DON’T sit in the chair
And awkwardly stare
Staying there as you wait to find out.

Original comic here.

The great post-Olympic catch-up begins. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But I intend to sprint the entire marathon.

Comic 1078 - Knights

There was a man from Inverness
Who couldn't be beaten at chess.
As on Agincourt field
His opponent's knight's shield
Would yield to pawn bowmen. Success!

Original comic here.

Comic 1058 - Old-Timers

I was looking for b00bs on YouTube
When I got called a n00b by some rube.
Well, those parents of mine
Conceived me online
So my view is that Y0U are the n00b.

Original comic here.

Still catching up, still somehow four behind. If only we were on that eccentric time system that is coming up in three comics' time, perhaps I would fare better.

Comic 1050 - Forgot Algebra

Play the sax, make flapjacks, or speak Spanish:
All these talents can happily vanish.
So why make maths the most-
Chosen talent to boast
That, post-school, you've decided to banish?

Original comic here.

Comic 1030 - Keyed

It's over? I'll deface your car
In a fashion that's frankly bizarre.
Whichever type be it,
Ferrari or Fiat,
I'll key it, you'll see from afar.

Original comic here.

Comic 1013 - Wake Up Sheeple

The government's short-changing people
But don't shout it from every steeple.
You'll think what you had
Wasn't really half baaaaad
When we all live in thrall to The Sheeple.

Original comic here.

Comic 1011 - Baby Names

There was a girl from Southend-on-Sea
Whose proud father christened her “Ponzi”.
But the name he enjoyed
Only got her annoyed—
She wished she were a boy, like Beyoncé.

Original comic here.

You have to put the stress in "Southend-on-Sea" on the syllable "on". Can you do that for me?

Plus: I seem to be flooding the site with limericks at the moment, but no matter. Here is some more, celebrity-based, BONUS CONTENT:

There was a chanteuse named Beyoncé
Who became a top rapper's fiancee.
So streetwise Shawn Carter
Is now the proud father
Of baby Blue Ivy. Bit poncey?

Comic 1006 - Sloppier Than Fiction

There was a man from Mozambique
Who lived like a Hollywood flick:
His speech very poor,
His motives obscure,
An insufferable bore – just the trick.

Original comic here.

Non-comic 1005 - A SOPA protest

If it's censorship that you're protesting
Then don't use satirical jesting.
Steve Bell shocks and appals
With his cocks and his balls
But no comic at all's much the best thing.

I don't know much about SOPA, but if it's true that it will obliterate the entire internet, I am most certainly against it. Sadly I don't have the vote in the USA, so my view counts for very little.

Comic 1003 - Adam and Eve

There once was a shepherd named Abel
Who brought spicy lamb to God's table
But Cain's fruit and grain
Were offered in vain
Which rendered him somewhat unstable.

Scythe in hand, poor Cain's madness grew deeper
Till he acted as Abel's grim reaper!
The God of this fable
Said "Hey Cain, where's Abel?"
Cain said, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

But God knew where Abel lay bleedin'
And Cain saw His favours recedin'.
So he fled from his God
To the oddly-named Nod
Which you'll find somewhere eastwards of Eden.

Original comic here, not that it has much to do with the limericks this time round.

Comic 1001 - AAAAAA

There once was a man from Brindisi
Whose bed spun around - pretty whizzy!
Unable to sleep
He tried counting sheep
But the lambs couldn't leap straight (too dizzy).

Original comic here.

Comic 985 - Percentage Points

When a senator loses support
The press tell us less than they ought.
Just what, pray, is meant
By "down twenty per cent"?
Down a fifth? Or from twenty to nought?

Original comic here.

Comic 978 - Citogenesis

From computers to scooters to skiffle
Wikipedia's packed full of piffle.
This citation cycle
Is taking the Michael
When it could have been beautiful. *sniffle*

Original comic here.